We have all heard the ancient Bible phrase “Love thy neighbor as thyself”. But did you ever ask yourself, What if I don’t love myself? What if I actually treat the neighbor, or my friend better than I treat me? Wouldn’t it make more sense to say “Love you as you do thy neighbor”?

We all have that inner voice that is critical, judgy, sometimes downright obnoxious. It tells us everything we are doing wrong, making us afraid to try new things, that we are too fat, or too thin, our forehead is too small or our nose too big. We aren’t smart enough, fast enough, kind enough. We would never say these things to our friend, but that voice inside us has no problem being that nasty to us.

This is where the beautiful term and behavior of self-compassion comes to the rescue. Put a super hero cape on this baby and let’s go.

Be your own best friend

Self compassion is about learning to treat ourselves lovingly. It isn’t about expecting perfection, or denying the parts of us we wish weren’t there. It’s about accepting and loving all of us. Recognizing that I don’t need to be perfect, I am great just the way I am. In the paraphrased words of John Legend, including all my perfect imperfections.

You are worthy of love. No matter who you are. There is a 1 in 400 trillion chance that you would be born, but you were. And here you are. Deserving of love and compassion. When we begin to embrace that, when we learn to love ourselves, we can more easily love and accept others in spite of their perfect imperfections. We invite love and compassion into our life, because we know we deserve it. Each and every one of us.

Okay, so now I know I deserve to be loved but where do I begin? What should I do?

A few how-to steps to self-compassion

• Stop that inner critic. Either with a joke, or just tell her/him to shut up! If it isn’t helpful feedback, you don’t want to hear it
• Tell yourself a story that works for you. Instead of “you could never succeed”, maybe try “this is scary, but I am giving it my best.”
• There is no failure. You don’t fail if something doesn’t work out. Instead see it as a lesson. Try to understand what didn’t work and what you can change. It isn’t failure, it’s a lesson on the way to success.
• Play love songs to yourself, because it’s fun.
• Recognize your successes. Find things you do well, no matter how big or small. 
• Find traits and qualities about yourself that you like. If it’s hard for you to come up with any, maybe ask someone you trust.

Remember that inner critic is not you. You are that beautiful pure good person inside yourself. Start with you and love and be compassionate toward yourself. I know this isn’t easy, but I know you can do it.

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